You know there are times when I can't stand myself. I say the wrong thing I'll piss off the wrong people. Getting older I am getting tired of being around people, some more then others. But at times I just wanna stay home and not see anyone. My husband works I am home with the kids I get in moods were I wanna go out or I just wanna hide from the whole world. I can understand why some woman are so damn moody. I am about to drive myself nuts.
I want to lose weight I get reminded by my mother how chunky I am. I want to be able to smile at myself and be happy when I myself in a mirror. Cause there are days I won't even look at a mirror cause I am afraid of the reflection. There are gonna be some people that may see this that know me and may be surprised but on here I can say how I feel and actually feel better about me.
In my life I have gone through a lot of things good and a lot of bad. I think I have surprisingly turned out well compared to others I could have turned out as. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But I guess their right I am my own worst enemy. I would like to know who else feels as screwed up as me.
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I ,for one, feel screwed up in MANY different ways .I hope that makes you feel better ;).
Are you KIDDING me? Of course there are millions and millions of people out there learning to love and accept themselves and trying to find ways of feeling more comfortable in their own skin. See, the thing is we're always bombarded with ads online about self-improvement, weight loss, gossip, personal growth, dating, spiritual growth, etc, etc and these little reminders highlight our own insecurities, and make us wonder, "Am I a loser?" "Why haven't I figured out how to live well yet?" "Is my life full?" "Do I sound like THAT person?" There are advertisements out there because there is a market for businesses to offer packages, programs, and plans to help everyone feel a little happier, secure and comfortable with who she or he is. It doesn't matter how educated or uneducated, well-informed or misinformed you are, if you are younger or older, single, married, divorced, re-married, separated, a parent, a student, a top CEO....the constant bombardment of self-help techniques, books and programs can tap into our insecurities and make everyone a lot less comfortable and confident.
You are in the majority, not the minority!
The great thing about life is that there are so many different perspectives, and you can own your own perspective and it can change as you change and grow. Guess what? There is no right or wrong way for you to feel about your life. Only you know what feels right for you and that is perfectly fine. So acknowledge your feelings, own them and give them a voice--like you're doing with this blog. Just because people try to keep their struggles, issues, challenges, pains, and insecurities hidden and private doesn't mean that people aren't all the same. EVERYONE in this world has SOME PRIVATE BATTLE that they are contending with RIGHT NOW!!! That's why it's good to be kind. To yourself first, and of course others as well. And hey, I also feel exactly like you do about being around certain people, so I respect my changing comfort levels and I allow myself to be who I am and try to let go of role-playing for people. In terms of dealing with family, whether they are in-laws or parents or whatever...it is a challenge for us all!! That's because families are very complicated, and what we call and define as "normal and functional" is not only outdated, but it's just such a rigid template to use anymore. Even in so called 'together' families, there is still so much that goes on beneath the surface that you would be both shocked, releived and delighted to know....you ARE normal too. Do you realize that everyone has messy stuff in their lives that they're scratching their heads over? I hope so. Don't be afraid to think and think for yourself. Society doesn't encourage it because there is no money to be made off of independent, strong, open-minded people. Don't get me wrong, I am all for people making healthy, postive changes in their lives and I support the effort that people put into working towards greater inner peace and happiness....but I think it's good to be aware that there is an entire crew of psychologists who work with marketing companies to try to figure out the best way to prey on your dissatisfaction and pain in order to sell the product. Knowing this, you should walk away feeling a little more empowered an a little less weighed down by negative thinking.
I am someone who has always been very hard on myself and I have to consciously work at not beating myself up when I feel disappointed about losing something. Whether that is a missed opportunity that I squandered, a serious relationship that ended, a chance I didn't take or explore in my professional and academic life. How I treated people in moments of anger. How I handled myself with the limited perspective and life experience I had at the time, in dealing with that particular problem with that particular person. See? We all set up impossibly high expectations for ourselves and feel horrible when we don't meet them.
This year, I have been dealing with some major changes in my personal life and on my career path. It was unexpected, challenging but I've been coping, transforming, growing and learning. It is yet another process...amongst many other processes which happen throughout the course of life!
I too felt ashamed to look at my relflection when I was carrying extra weight. I was brutal with myself. It took about three years for me to slowly shed the weight, but it has stayed off and it happened when I started really, truly loving myself and feeling excited and happy about how well I was treating myself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I could never have changed if it hadn't started from within. I got really pissed off with that voice in my head that made me feel low about myself and decided to defy it with loads and loads of love. And yes, it was a battle and I fell down flat on my face many times. But I got back up and kept going. I'm just a fighter and I hate my own inner bully and critic.
Now, I've got other things I'm battling with...ways I feel inadequate, embarrassed, confused, lost.
You should NEVER compare yourself to others, because no matter what, the grass is always greener on the other side. You never know what is truly going on in people's lives, and you never will...or how it feels to walk in someone else's shoes, through every experience they've had before that has shaped and formed and influenced their perspective, their choices, their decisions. It is so much easier to judge than it is to understand. And knowing that we will never understand everything, we should try to refrain from doing that--first with ourselves, and most definitely with others.
Try labelling the negative clouds that creep into your head, and not you.
Most importantly, welcome yourself and feel at home amongst the human race. Everyone is feeling a lot of isolation and confusion on different levels, and if they aren't now, they will at some have their self-esteem and confidence tested. I know that you're a mom and I can appreciate how difficult it is to put yourself first and find time to check in with how you feel and take time to look after and nurture yourself. You work really hard every day, I know and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they have no idea so just let it go in one ear and out the next and don't let it settle in your heary. I know all too well how much you deal with every day and it is huge!! It's a huge accomplishment and you ought to be commended for it. But you are more than a mom, too. You are a whole woman all on your own. Start looking after how you feel about yourself, because your well-being doesn't have to take the back burner while everyone else's needs are being met. Try to do it, for one hour every day. If you can't manage that, you can manage a half hour. And if that is too much, designate some responsibility to other people in your life so that you can have more balance in your life.
You are not alone in your journey through life! It's your life and your journey, yes. I can assure you though that we're all dealing with the same struggles within, and sometimes they crop up many times throughout our lives. Keep your head held high, laugh out loud and practice self-compassion and self-love. Tap into your inner beauty, uniqueness, strength and be grateful for the blessings in your life. And please, please try to not beat yourself up. I do it, we all do it. And it keeps us down!! Rise up and be your own best friend. I too, am working on feeling more comfortable in who I am each day!
:( sounds like ur talking about me in every sense
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You really summed that up well, I couldn't have put that into words better. I know how you feel and I wish I knew what the answers were. Anyone can give you advice, tell you you are loved and worthy of (insert whatever here), but when it comes down to it, you just feel like a ball of flesh that just can't interact or get out what you need to. I am one of the worst at putting my feelings into words, I wish I could help you make it all better, but all I can say is- take it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day-- viewing each by an accomplishment. So much easier said than done, but it's the only way I have survived on this planet as long as I have. I hope you feel better soon, and know that you are not alone in your feelings.
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